Friday, April 10, 2009


It's logical that my parents don't think I should have my UNI friends, but I still miss them like crazy. One of my Bff's dished the gossip about my location to about 30 people who then sent it around the school and then some. I got angry and so did she, so currently my only friends are 1) a boy I've only met through text, 2) a bunch of really amazing people I can't talk to, and 3) my family. The boy isn't much of a talker and I can't text him (Phone shut off x_x), I obviously can't to talk to my amazing friends, and my Family, uh yeah right. They are so going to be the people I want to go to the mall with. NOT.
The problem isn't loneliness though. I can live with it, but I just really miss my main friends there. Conner, Jess, Meg, Bob, and me were inseparable, and at least two of us were always together. We supported each other, we helped each other get out, we helped stop each others tears. We had two main songs we liked to listen to at UNI. One was called "Petals" and it is just a short thing that Meg and I came up with and they had me sing all the time, and the second was a catchy but rather inappropriate rap song. Everyone wanted to read whatever I was currently writing, we were always doing puzzles and playing favorites. This is something we came up with were the first person asks what a single person's favorite something is, and the first person to get it right got to pick someone. We tossed balls back and forth, we played a lot of mini football, we listened to music as much as possible, we talked about our lives outside of Uni, we played card games, and most of all, we knew the most sensitive info about each other and helped each other with it.
Meg was my roommate and one of the most amazing people ever to live. She was fun and silly and really easy to talk to. She helped me write some and she was the one that broke the rules, one time when I was sobbing uncontrollably, and hugged me until the tears stopped. She was really good at cards and loved music.
Conner was a great friend who really supported me and tried to get me to believe in myself. He loved to do odd dances like "Water" and "glow-stick" but it was really cool. He was more into dancing than anything else and he was really funny.
Jess was the person I supported the most. she was really fun and had a lot of good ideas. She could talk for forever and she had really cute style. She was amazing.
Bob. My BEST friend at UNI. I told him everything and he helped me. Everyone has someone standing behind them every step of the way to getting out, whether staff, patient, or doctor. Mine was a patient who really helped me. He was funny about his hair. He had to have it wet and he shook it like a dog. It made us all laugh. He was good at cards, and he was the only person who ever got it right on me when playing favorites. He helped me with puzzles and would be the one telling me to stop lying when I seemed ok but I really wasn't. He made me get out there and help myself. He said a lot of things that I have taken to heart. He is great
Most of all, the people there became like family to me and now when I can't talk to them it feels like a part of my life, a part of my happiness has been ripped away from me and I can't stand it. I missed them so much that I hummed and sang Petals 45 times today and wrote poems about them each. I hope I get to see them eventually because I really love them and They are amazing people. They are the people I wanted to call when me and Kam fought. I just really miss them and really want to see them. I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have let myself get so close to them. Maybe I should have stayed aloof where this not seeing them and not knowing them wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe, I should have never even tried to get to know them, and I shouldn't have let them closer into my life, past the shield I put everyone else outside of. Maybe making friends isn't a good idea for me. I always lose them somehow. Maybe I should never let anyone get close enough to hurt me when I lose them.


  1. Makae,
    Never regret making friendships. NEVER! Even though you may not be in contact with them now, those friendships are precious. One of my dear friends is moving away this weekend and it is so hard. But I don't regret our friendship at all, I'm grateful for the time that we had together. It was a gift, even if it was just for a short time.

  2. There is a saying that says some friends come into your life for a short time, others for a lifetime. They are all important. The people down there helped you accomplish something and of course you feel very close to them. You shared a lot with them. The main thing to remember here is like the doctors told you----- you can choose how you look at this. You can move forward or stay stuck. The choice is yours. I love you, even if you don't believe me and that will never change.

  3. Makae - you need to reach out to your old friends again - look for the good in them and forgive them their errors. So they made mistakes - so they will continue to make mistakes - who's perfect?? Don't judge.

    Yes you created some fantastic friendships in UNI but now you are back in the real world. If you stand back and judge everything anyone says or constantly compare them to your favorites you will be forever alone. That is not a fun place to be.

    You need to reach out to others - with your REAL self, not the cutesy talky personna you have created. Find things in common with all sorts of people and BE A FRIEND to them. I can't stress that enough that you need to make the first step - most people are lonely and hurting inside for friends - find them and start building new friendships each and every day.

  4. Makae -
    Take heart, it's always good to make friends. They will always be a good memory for you to fall back on when times get hard. As you move through life you will make friends, some you will keep and others are there to just touch your life for a few moments. Just know that it is all a learning experience. They will touch you, and you will touch them. We all need friends. Heavenly Father made it this way so that we can all help each other. Keep trying and don't give up. There are some pretty special people out there and I think you're one of them!!

  5. Sorry I didn't see this post earlier! I'm going to echo what other people said about making friends. While it hurts to lose touch with friends, it's better to take the risk and make friends rather than trying to stay away from people. You're a good person, and there will be more best friends who really click with you.

    We sent you a card while you were in the hospital, and it came back today saying it had the wrong address. Oops! We'll send it up to you anyway, sorry you didn't get it while you were in the hospital.


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