Ups and Downs, and A party on the way

Things have been up and down and crazy. Graduated, almost went back in. I cant begin to share how many emotions I ahve felt over the past few weeks. It has been all over the place. So let's start with the simple

HIVES- No allergy, just chronic hives. Yes, this does mean I will have them forever, or maybe just for a really really long time

LIFELINE- still going to therapy, struggling along but doing better

WEIGHT- I'm finally on a weight loss plan for sure. :)

FRIENDS- getting better, still trying and still struggling but it's getting much much better.

PARTY!!!~ IT"S ON!!!! Next Wednesday, all family and friends are invited :) Bring a date, a mutual friend, or just yourself :). I'm super excited to be turning sixteen. No, i can't drive yet, No, I am not staying in utah, but YES I AM EXCITED!!!!

MOVING- It's happening. The house is sold, were out by July 30th. I'm actually really excited to be moving. most people aren't but I am :)

Life is getting better, it's all on an upswing and I'm feeling good :)

Grandma Bea

First off, let me say, I love this woman to death, and this is a tribute to her. She was wonderful. I have great memories with her, counting pigs, being teased about kissing boys, and lots of others. She was such a sweet kindhearted lady. But I send her no prayers, or tears as I will soon explain. This morning my mom came in and told me the situation with her. I almost cried and then I started thinking. A few things came of it, one being the following poem

Grandma Bea

for her, I'd send my prayers

but she needs them not

as she ascends the pearly stairs

to find the place that god has got

for her, I'd send my tears

but she needs them not

for her now, there are no fears

up to heaven to find her spot

for her, I'll send my love

to her and Grandpa

in their place above

you see, I loved Grandma

but she lived a long life

happy and free

sure there was strife

but in my small self, I want to be

as much like her as I can

I'd even love pigs

and I'd marry a man

Who fishes up there with the bigs

so all the world can see

the imprint this wonderful woman

left on me

and if I can

show you her big heart

you know that I will

I'm sad we have to be apart

but above, she's in a better place still

and for her? I'd write a song

but for someone like her

it's be much to long

so i'll stick to this poem, Of that I'm sure

I will love you forever Grandma Bea!

Operation Spring Cleaning: Part 3

The clothes have been gone through, the new room set up, the old music discarded, a new hair cut taken care of, some pieces for a new wardrobe discovered, and a birthday dress has begun to be made. The soul has been cleansed, a Therapy Contract signed, and A Graduation date set. The Biology class has been finished, a new type of therapy is being considered, a trip to colorado has been spent, and I feel....The same.

Maybe it's the lack of friends around me to stop the lonely throbs that soar throughout my body daily. Maybe it's the fact that it all feels external and I need that weekend of REAL cleansing and soul searching. I don't know what it is, but through the setbacks that have happened recently, the hurts, and the sadness, I don't feel pessimistic or down or like giving up, I just feel the same. It's like no matter what I do to my outside, it will never be enough to change the inside. Soooooo, Final part of the Operation. Lend me all your self-help books, give me all your candles and incense, find me a corner or a room, and get out of it. Next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be a cleansing weekend. Wish me luck!

Operation Spring Cleaning: The hair

Changing my hair

THe finished product back

Front
The final cut, without dye
Halfway done
The original

Operation Spring Cleaning: Part 2

So today my aunt is coming to do my hair. Think dark brown and Katie Holmes bob. I'm sorry for all of you that loved my long hair, but it's going away. I cleaned out my music and my clothes, and am looking at what i need to get/replace. My room is a giant mess since everything that needed to be moved out of my mom's bathroom is in there, but it will be clean soon. I am also going to *sigh* give away my black tutu. I have had it for a long time, and it's not going to fit any little girls without some changes, so unless you can sew you don't want it for your little girl. But anyone that does want it, feel free to call me, cuz I'm giving it away. It is a huge sign of my past for me and i don't see anyway around getting rid of it. I am trying really hard to just let go. Also I have some really good teen novels, rather dark, but good ones that I need to rid myself of. One is called CUT, and it used to be my favorite. Also, if anyone has hand-me downs that might fit me, I am looking for a cheap way to replace the clothes that I don't want/can't have anymore. Also, my babysitting offer is still out there, and no one has taken me up on it yet. I can be a regular day babysitter as I don't have regular school.

Homeschool is going pretty well although it is boring. My room is coming along nicely and we should get carpet in it sometime next week :) I am excited because I am going to have a jesus and spirituality wall where i am going to put all my spiritual stuff :)

Also, if anyone has any good self-help books, or spiritual books, borrowing or donating, i don't care which, I would love to read them. I am trying to get on top of my life, and yes there has been setbacks this week, but I'm still trucking on. Today my mom is going to Meet Robyn Knudsen to find out about this new type of therapy they are thinking about starting me on, so lets all hope that I can start it, and it will help.

That's all for today. :)